Funeral Today

I woke up at 6:00 a.m. this morning and decided it was a good time to post an entry since i was just too tired to do the usual just after midnight post. Husband and i have had 2 nights without any sleep.He finally went to the ER-i called the ambulance-because he couldn't take any more.He was in so much pain he couldn't sleep and by extension i didn't get any sleep either.We did not get good news from one of his test results. It's not conclusive so we're concerned but we don't know what we don't know(yet). We had a busy day but we finally got some good sleep last night.I left the computer on and never made it back.

We had a death in the family.She was a wonderful person-not immediate family but a close relative. We are going to see if we both feel well enough to attend the service,Mass and dinner.

It is times like these i think about my own family.Not so much the ones who have passed but the problems with the ones who are still with us. My son and i are not on speaking terms at all.We haven't had a relationship for years and we haven't spoken since mother passed away.Even then we hadn't spoken much before that except for the phone calls he made to my mom.I could at least say we were speaking then. They were brief conversations at that.Polite but strained i think. He always called her on a Sunday and i always happened to be there.Dad was going downhill from Parkinson's.Later mom would be battling cancer.

I doubt very much son and his family can make it for this funeral so i don't really have to worry about the uncomfortable feeling of running into him.Unfortunately an imagination runs wild when you don't know what to expect in situations. I may be wrong about how uncomfortable it would be.It's also impossible to forget the good memories you have as much as there's times you can dwell on terrible memories too much. They both come back with a vengeance.

I also doubt my brother will be able to get time off to come for this one but you never know and he hasn't said either way.

A death in the family brings out either the worst in people or the best in people. I've seen the worst too many times.

I think too at this point in our life my husband and i are too ill to worry about the past much. We get through each and every day as best as possible.

THE ANSWER:

Time to head back to bed and get a little more rest so we can try to make the funeral. Back later tonight.